Constipation !!!

I havent been regular to my blog off late. I desperately want to write something funny and delightful and insight fully readable, but alas!! I cant. Partly because I must be suffering from the severe case of writer's block and partly because of the slightly hollow paradox that I described in my previous post, where real insights are reserved for the self. Maybe I'm suffering from what is called as Mental Constipation of the worst kind..hehehe :P :P . The kind where you sit there for hours waiting for it, pushing for it and finally giving up and pretend washing... lol

In the words a of not so wise man

"Why'd you have to go and get me so constipated" - Weird Al on Avril Lavigne (a meeting of the minds indeed)

Maybe I need more food for thought.

LAZY IS NEVER EASY :P :)

Being jobless is a big job after all.


Ignoring work, whiling away time are tough things. Especially when you know you have a career to deal with. A lean, just-recovered-from-recession market. Parents who trust you. Friends who idolize you.


To sleep when the world works. To kill time on social networking sites. Listening to sad songs. Writing useless stuff like this.

Man ! I tell you its not easy being lazy.

(Wow!! That rhymes!! Easy….lazy…)

May be .....

Maybe … we can tell the good from the bad, but we need the bad to make us realize the worth of goodness.

Maybe … dreams are to take us away from reality; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.

Maybe … it is all part of a bigger plan of God that we meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right one, we'll appreciate more and hold dear to us.

Maybe … we really won't appreciate what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don’t know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe … I should keep hoping for enough happiness to make me sweeter, enough trials to make me stronger, enough sorrow to keep me humble and human, and enough tragedies to make me wiser.

Maybe … happiness is all in the head and people don't have to have the best to be happy; Most of them are just making the most of what they have and finding pleasures in little little things that comes along their way.

Maybe … you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone. Yes my friend made me realize long back that is also a nice thing and hence I quote.

Maybe … a best friend is him who understands that my silence has words and he hears what I am going through and knows how to cheer me up.

Maybe … a fast forward button is not the reason we were given life, life is about the ups and downs, the fast and the slow, the mighty and the weak, we have to see if everything was worth it in the end, and hence live through one moment at a time.

Maybe … there are moments in life when you miss someone — a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child — so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.

Maybe … love isn't about expectations, it is all about giving. The moment you expect love dies. One should know love from selfishness. Love is selfless.

Maybe _ all you can do is not think. Not wonder. Not obsess. Not imagine. Just breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Everything works out in the end, and the more time you spend worrying about it, the longer it takes for things to end perfectly...just the way they should.

Maybe _ you have to be strong for yourself, I have to know that I am a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be will end up good, and what is not, won't. Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don't, you must move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don't lose something real. Always fight, until you can't anymore, and then be fought for.

Sit by Vikram Seth

Sit, drink your coffee here; your work can wait awhile.
You are twenty-six, and still have some of life ahead.
No need for wit; just talk vacuity, and I’ll
Reciprocate in kind, or laugh at you instead.

The world is too opaque; distressing and profound,
The twenty minutes’ rendezvous will make my day.
To sit here in the sun, with grackles all around.
Staring with beady eyes, and you two feet away.

(This could easily have been my poem on a Sunday morning, or a Friday evening, or a everyday lazy morning. I feel strongly that the cup of “poison” (be it wine, coffee, chai) is more than just that, its a process by which two people can connect over meaningless nothings. The more faster our lives become, the more we keep losing this ritual. Can we please save it for me? (Seriously) It means a lot to me. I believe, this is all that I shall carry to my grave. The rest will (g)race and pass past me in those final moments :-))

A DIFFERENT WALTZ !!!!!

I waltz,
With my shadow,
When they are long,
To hold my hand;
Twilight,
Into the night.

I dance to the whispers
Of wind passing by.
I hum notes of joy,
For having you close by.

Twilight ends,
And comes a time,
When I part with you again,
Silently, into the night.

A thought on thoughts !!!!

My thoughts,
they dive
into the blue ocean..
Drinks away its blue!

It flies to the sky,
and whispers to the sky,
the secret,
to be blue..

The sun then comes,
in his reddish attire.
Stealing his clothes,
my thoughts run away..
And the sun hides,
behind the veil of the night.

Then my thoughts try,
to fly, far far away.
But a chain clings,
that says, the thoughts are still mine!!

Random Quote :-)

PS : I'm a big fan of Brad Pitt...and this movie "Meet Joe Black" is one my favorites. A quote from the movie had really got me spellbound :-)

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

Jobless Rant :P :P

PS: I'm feeling so sick,that I'm not able to concentrate on my work... :( :( I took solace into reading some literary articles...heheheh :-)...I feel so jobless right now.Its 12:24Pm and I'm dead hungry...:( :( Since morning , the following quote by Sir Hugh Walpoe had been tricking in my mind.. :)

The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident.

Wonderful quote!!!! :-)

Rants of an Optimistic Pessimist......

what's life? -without these little tensions and fears?
what's life? -without the feeling when you overcome all blocks?

there were days when i really felt lost and defeated, there were days when i felt no energy to fight back, and there were moments that made me cry, but again, there were these special people in life who never wanted me to quit, accept defeat and cry.. there were hands held out for me to walk, and shoulders to support me, and there were friends who left me amidst all the probs.. there were people who i wished if stayed for long ! and look, there are some left, there are some moving away, and there are some who don't care !

At this moment of time, i know, there were things known and unknown to be, but, there is something that you know, that who you are ! so finally its time I move of, from the residues and left outs of the broken relationships, and making sure, those stay; are worth staying and those leave; worth leaving ! its never easy leaving people behind you in life especially when you are so close to them, and again, its not easy to move on after leaving some people. it definitely creates some void in you, it does generate the incomplete feeling in you, but in the end, realize, its your life, and you decide the way you leave it, either mourn for those who never knew you, or live for those who even understood your silence. !

Relationships in life is such a complicated thing to understand, at times you feel so good to have all relationships around you, and at odd times, you thirst to be left alone. Life is never complete and worth when you neglect relationships, but make sure that the relationships you keep are indeed relationships !

oh yes, its time i quit writing nonsense.. its worthless to read.. i just graved my thoughts, anger and feeling of insecuruty here :) after all its my place to grave things that i am bothered about

JUST LKE THAT :-)

PS : Today, I'm in my weirdest moods... a cacophony of voices running in my mind... and music is the only Savior right now....hehe :-)

THIS SONG IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS..its called "she will be loved"--by MAROON 5

here are the lyrics

"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

THE WOMAN IN ME !!!

The woman in me

Needs to look
beyond horizons.
Wants to fly
In the golden sky
Embalzoned.

The woman in me..

Needs to dream
In colors of a rainbow
Beauty aglow
Wants to reach
Pinnacles.

The woman in me

Dances in rain
With kids on the lane
Sings with the birds
Songs absurd
Undeterred.

The woman in me

Waiting to utter
Feelings aflutter
Slowly unfolding
secrets multiform
Behold!

The woman in me

Manifestations of a mortal life

Shrouded in lovelorn nights,

Hearts set aflutter with desire,

As moths drawn to the burning lights,

Rekindled embers of a forgotten ire.

Glasses of scorned amour,

Show the stony soul of an angelic form,

Laughter effusing from the bewitched lure,

Mocking despondent passions bygone.

Black velvet skies part for golden hues,

Phantom dreams melt into earthen moulds,

Perhaps rejuvenated by a virginal muse,

Manifestations of a mortal life, behold

My Journey :-)

Things have a way of coming full circle. We all return to where we start from - whole or in parts - alone or together - we all return home - dead or alive.

Two years ago I left home with a dream in my eyes. A professional dream. A personal dream. A choice. A promise. I left behind people who loved me and travelled in search of more. More what? I did not know then.

Now I do. It has been a good two years. I have grown. Professionally, I have blossomed into my independence.

Personally, I have reveled in my loneliness. I have made the very lonely trip into the dark corners of my heart, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone to share my life with.

I have, almost always, met unrecognizable reflections of myself on the way. Gruesome reflections. Sadder and darker versions of myself. I have doubted and feared myself. I have wounded and pierced my heart. Again and again, till the tears have dried up. I have discovered magic. Touched perfection. Witnessed the birth of pure, distilled beauty. I have burnt in the fires of hell.

Drowned in splashes of tumultuous desire. Become my worst nightmare. And yet, I have retained the conviction to return to loving myself.

In all this, I have managed to romance my dream. In my fear, anger, hate, jealousy, pettiness, melancholy, I have nurtured my soppy romantic idiotic self.

People have told me that my variety of love does not exist in this world, and then have suddenly chanced upon it where they least expected it. People have called my ideas Utopian. And yet these worn out ideas have borne the weight of my dreams all this while. They have salvaged them through the ravages of this material world.

For dreams are lived by mad people. People, like me who can see their dreams in some one's eyes. Tangible dreams. Salty dreams. Silent dreams. Dreams that cuddle up with me and soothe me to sleep on long, cold, lonely nights. Dreams that come without price tags and expectations, without weight and light, without burden and freedom, with out and with in. Dreams that are neither born in, nor borne of needs and wants. A dream that is me. And I am still standing. And so is my dream..

The Colour of Silence

Thriving Across,
Hopes Of an uncertain nature,
Entertaining wisdom!

Compassing the stillness,
Operating in a vacuum,
Languishing in a cerebrum,
Of a serenity bestowed,
Requisite to a tranquil state!
Observant to the peace,
around,
Fluttering the beings!

Speechless in communication,
Insistence on a quiet,
Lullabies of the heart,
Endearing and escalating,
Notably stitching a different rhyme,
Comprehending a bond,
Enchantingly formed in the silence of forever.....!!!

A thoughtless Worse :D

As I stare at this blank expanse of white,
thinking about what next to write,
A thousand thoughts in my head, a haze,
taking shape in the mist,
a labyrinthine maze.

Did I just write a verse,
of complete nonsensical stuff,
even worse,
Hey, I think - this is it,
just let it flow,
and maybe after this very boring day,
I'll find that elusive glow.

That glimmer of light,
that ray of hope,
the strength, the will, the resolve of mind which helps me cope,
With the chaos of my existence,
with the conflict of my being,
of the sounds in my hearing,
of the colors in my seeing.

Where, oh where is that fractal of order and sense,
which will soothe my being, make light my dense,
Perhaps in this babel of words,
if a line I cast,
I'll find my sense of my world, at last.

I hold myself to the Doorway!!!

I stay in this dreamy cottage
each of its rooms brings surprises
I hold myself to the doorway
rubbing that tarnished key
I find no lock fit its contours

the mirage of you propels me
to walk through that closed door
I know you didn't leave
any trace of your intentions
you wish to remain exiled in that forest

in my palm, that key fills a void
I romance it, skillfully manipulating it

MAYBE

I had a dream yesterday or maybe I would have just liked to dream this…

The dream had you and no one else or maybe it did…but I only saw you or maybe I only wanted to see you…
You were standing at the other end of the rainbow or maybe the rainbow was your smile…
You shimmered like gold or maybe it was your skin…I craved to touch you, hold your hands and walk with you…
It smelt like spring or maybe it was your fragrance…
I seemed to be in a trance or maybe it was your addiction…
It felt like heaven…or maybe it was YOU

PEOPLE – A DIME A DOZEN

When I was young, they used to temme- one day you'll learn to live without people…without friends…that would be the day you will really grow up. I think what they meant was that would be the day you would cripple up and die.

I have always been called a loner…moody and complex. But I beg to differ…I am just choosy about whom I want in my life. (Though it helps if you shop at victoria’s secret :P). Maybe that’s the reason I like blogging so much…its a nice place to know like minded people.

I have been told I am rather indifferent to a lot of things and people. My friends say it stems from my ADH disorder but I don’t think it has anything to do with my medical condition. If I like you I like you…period!! You can’t force your friendship on me…rather if you try and do that you are just pushing me further away. People don’t grow on me…so if you are an idiot, you are an idiot…there are no two ways about it.

I have about 117 odd people in my orkut list outta which I might have just sent a friends request to only about 20 odd people. I thought I’ll be nice to people for a change there…but I am sorry to say that doesn’t come naturally to me. Now compare this to my FB where my list is limited to only about 30 people, I have about 60 friend requests pending there ‘coz I just don’t want those people in my life anymore.

Anyway the point here is I just don’t care what someone thinks about me…what I care about is what I think about that someone ‘coz that’s gonna decide how important that person is gonna be in my life.