Silence!!!

Silence is pure beauty



Beauty without imperfection



A space between sounds



A deadness between noise



Quiet, you can hear it, yet you can't hear anything at all



So you could say silence is nothing



A nothing like me



Nothing is there and so nothing there is to judge



I wish I was silence, so no one would judge me……

Constipation !!!

I havent been regular to my blog off late. I desperately want to write something funny and delightful and insight fully readable, but alas!! I cant. Partly because I must be suffering from the severe case of writer's block and partly because of the slightly hollow paradox that I described in my previous post, where real insights are reserved for the self. Maybe I'm suffering from what is called as Mental Constipation of the worst kind..hehehe :P :P . The kind where you sit there for hours waiting for it, pushing for it and finally giving up and pretend washing... lol

In the words a of not so wise man

"Why'd you have to go and get me so constipated" - Weird Al on Avril Lavigne (a meeting of the minds indeed)

Maybe I need more food for thought.

FALLING IN LOVE ......

i fell in love

i never knew

i realized late

that i loved you

the feeling i had

was strong and warm

i was confused

but u, me did charm

i cried for you

when you weren't there

i prayed for you

again and again

i felt your bliss

when you were happy

and this made me

more and more happy

i missed you a lot

when you were not here

i craved for you

because you are my dear

yet i was a fool

i did not realize

that i actually loved you

which i saw in your eyes

the same was the case

my beloved with you

such cases experience

people very few

I never realized

that you loved me

but that love in my eyes

you did see

now that we both

love each other

i wish that we never

part from one another

we will love each other
no matter we are how far

the god will bind us forever

coz for each other made we are

Rants of an Optimistic Pessimist......

what's life? -without these little tensions and fears?
what's life? -without the feeling when you overcome all blocks?

there were days when i really felt lost and defeated, there were days when i felt no energy to fight back, and there were moments that made me cry, but again, there were these special people in life who never wanted me to quit, accept defeat and cry.. there were hands held out for me to walk, and shoulders to support me, and there were friends who left me amidst all the probs.. there were people who i wished if stayed for long ! and look, there are some left, there are some moving away, and there are some who don't care !

At this moment of time, i know, there were things known and unknown to be, but, there is something that you know, that who you are ! so finally its time I move of, from the residues and left outs of the broken relationships, and making sure, those stay; are worth staying and those leave; worth leaving ! its never easy leaving people behind you in life especially when you are so close to them, and again, its not easy to move on after leaving some people. it definitely creates some void in you, it does generate the incomplete feeling in you, but in the end, realize, its your life, and you decide the way you leave it, either mourn for those who never knew you, or live for those who even understood your silence. !

Relationships in life is such a complicated thing to understand, at times you feel so good to have all relationships around you, and at odd times, you thirst to be left alone. Life is never complete and worth when you neglect relationships, but make sure that the relationships you keep are indeed relationships !

oh yes, its time i quit writing nonsense.. its worthless to read.. i just graved my thoughts, anger and feeling of insecuruty here :) after all its my place to grave things that i am bothered about

EYES :-)

What would you be
Hadn’t you those eyes?
Still, dense amber.

Its magical delight
Weaves over my eyes,
Taking in my hands and
My feet.
Till I am bundled into a glance.

Seething, burning
Softly glowing
Fanning your desires
Your eyes, obey you.

And then, one look ,
Becomes, to me, the infallible truth.

My Lil Garden

The balmy weather and my blooming flower plants helped me overcome my laziness and get out on the roof yesterday for the first time this year. And what a nice visit it was! I spent about an hour looking around, cleaning up the dead leaves from the rose plants and planting some jasmine shoots.




These flowers and their fragrance seem downright magical to me.

ANGELS TO ASHES, DEVILS TO DUST

That pain was forgotten
Those bruises were gone
Life was new as I tried to move on
Once again things seemed to be fine
The cuts and rashes were getting filled with time
Once again I learnt how to fly
Once again I learnt how to hug the sky
Things were beautiful, things were new
Once again the words seemed true
But again the dark shadow has been cast
Once again I am in the painful past
The box has broken and so has the final string of trust
Angels to Ashes and Devils to Dust

The tears seemed far away
Happiness I thought was here to stay
Once again the grass was green
Once again the world wasn’t mean
Once again there was no distress
No more was pain my mistress
Once again smiling wasn’t a task
There was no need to hide behind a mask
But now I know the façade is here to stay
The more I want happiness the more it goes away
The box has broken and I have been cursed
Angels to Ashes and Devils to Dust

Your memories will never be the same
This heart will never take your name
This angel is not yours; this devil is not yours any more to claim
But now I wont have no repent, now I wont have no shame
For it’s time for the phoenix to rise
For it’s time that change is a must
For it’s time that the Angel is Ashes
For it’s time that the Devil is Dust

REDISCOVER!!!

I was sitting all by myself,
Staring at the world whizzing by,
Caught in a time warp,
Unaware, oblivious to one and all.
Lost and empty I looked out,
But found no idol to emulate.
Alas there are no more brave causes left,
Sighed I.
Dejected and disappointed,
I looked within,
And surprised I was,
Saw a million mutinies brewing.
Peel off that mask !
That show of sobriety,
That air of sophistication,
Rediscover that lost passion,
Reignite that hidden fire
That zest for a good fight,
Standing up for that brave cause,
Rise O RebelWithoutPause !

NEW ROADS

And thus we part our ways.
Travelled some distance together,
Laughed, cried, fought.
Yes, we did it all.
But it wasn’t meant to be,
Destiny had other plans.
You now traverse on your path,
While I chart mine.
I do feel alone at times,
But I swear I am just fine.
Memories…
Aah! How can I forget those moments?
A smile lightens up on my face.
Sometimes even a tear or two.
You will always remain in a corner of my heart,
Just wish all your dreams come true.
I know its time to move on,
And move I will.
One more time before I leave,
I will mumble this once again,
Thank you so much for being what you were.

THE VAGUENESS !!!

Vagueness of expression,

Vagueness of uniqueness,

Vagueness of the Vacuum,

And the Vacuum of existence.

My existence was a question,

My meanings were meaningless,

And I myself was lost,

Lost in myself, Lost in the Journey.

The Journey was snatching me away,

And I was finding myself more lost,

Lost in the struggle and the success,

Aghast and happy at every lesson,

Lesson of Life and the cry of the pain.

Pain was teaching me at every step,

Which the joys couldn’t teach,

The true faces and the true lies,

The True figments and the deceptive ways,

And taking me to paths I never saw.

Every lie seemed unfurled,

Every deception was unraveled,

The evilness was out in open,

I stood shattered and broken,

The tears was the only companions left,

I was the only companion of me,

But still I stood with thankfulness.

Thankful for the reality,

Thankful for the revelations,

And thankful for the deceptions,

Thankful for the cries,

Thankful for the sorrows,

And Thankful for the falseness,

I was Thankful for this and much more,

I was thankful for the vagueness and the Life,

And I was Thankful for the new ignited Me.

I don’t know why I am writing this. But I just had to.

Why does it hurt every time I go through it? I know it is happening, I know I can’t help it but I am hurt. I still cry. I still curse my existence. But why?

I want to share my thoughts with someone, cry my heart out. But I can’t do it. I can’t justify myself again and again. They will hate me for my impotence to help myself. Just as I hate myself today.

At such a time I question the existence of God. Doe he really exists? Does he see it all happening in front of his eyes and not do anything about it? Am I so evil that I don’t even deserve a little bit of his compassion or love. Mom used to say that thakur ji helps us all if we ask for it from pure heart. Then doesn’t the wailing of my heart move that god made of stone.

I am angry and the anger is out with tears. My conscience is screaming for help. I want to pick the bits and pieces of my soul and put the broken picture together. But I can’t it’s too broken. Just like the million pieces of broken glass. My tears are my only companion. After sometime even they leave me alone for self pitying.

I hate to look in the mirror. I hate to accept the person I have become. But I have to live with it. Detesting oneself can cost you a lot.

I smile with all, they all love me. They envy my innocence that is not there. But to them I show. My life for them is a mirage. Mirage where there is a lot of water to fill the emptiness of my life. But the more you draw closer, the more you are lost in the dryness of emotions.

Maybe yes, I am the one to be blamed. But I refuse to accept cuz I can live with my life’s mirage but not with the acceptance of reality. Reality hurts.

I wonder if my life will change ever. I wonder if it would ever be normal. If I can ever be proud of myself. For present its highly impossible.

LONELY ROAD

Passing by the lanes of life,
Wondering what i did was right,
Took the path that people showed,
I was walking on the lonely road...

I forgot the fragrance of the rose,
While travelling up the mountains high,
Freshness of the dew unknown,
All I could do was just moan,
Questions of the soul torture me,
About my needs and about my deeds,
Still i am walking all alone,
All the way on the lonely road...

Desperate for affection, love and care,
Longing for someone besides me,
Afraid of my own shadows in day,
Not a ray of hope in my way,
I lost faith, I never won,
But I knew I had to run,
All along the lonely road...

With watery eyes, I would love to share,
My sorrows, my pains, my needs and fears,
My hands reach out in the dark,
Only to find my life apart
My head and heart still keep me going,
On the thorny route of the lonely road...

I wish I never had begun,
My miseries don't seem to end,
Desires and wishes will soon be dead,
But I continue as my soul had vowed,
To walk along the lonely road....!!!!

I LOVE YOU!!!

I LOVE YOU; it’s not a weight you must carry around.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not a box that holds you in.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not a standard you must bear.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not a sacrifice I make.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not a pedestal you are frozen upon.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not an expectation of perfection.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not my life’s whole purpose (or yours).
I LOVE YOU; it’s not to make you change.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not even to make you love me.
I LOVE YOU; it’s as pure and simple as that...!!!!

Falak pe baadlon ke beech kuch aisi hui saazish,
Mera tha ghar mitti ka; aur mere hi ghar hui baarish,
Unki bhi zid hai bijliyaan girne ki,
Meri bhi zid hai wahi aashiyana banane ki...!!!!!