A Killing Time

Leave it to God. That's what he told me....


It might have taken me quite a bit of time to own up but yes, it's a difficult phase in life. Everything I touch vanishes these days. Things I looked forward to have simply turned away from me. I thought I knew where I am headed. Now sometimes, I am forced to feel I have no clue. None whatsoever. It's frustrating, to say the least. You can always put up a brave face. Deep inside though you know it's merely a facade.


Why is it happening, I can't tell you. Sometimes, I even ask myself have I done enough to deserve what I am seeking in life. To be honest, I have no idea at all.


Then suddenly, it becomes all the more difficult if you set yourself parameters of success and failure. When you look at yourself as another one in the race, the path suddenly becomes tedious. The joy of the journey fades away. Getting drawn into comparison is something I always despised. But that's exactly what I am doing. Looking at myself through others' parameters of success and failure.


I always called myself a drifter. Took life as it came. So why am I bothered now? It probably is the right time to drift awhile without losing hope. Didn't someone say hope is the thing with feathers?


As nothing goes my way, I am back to things I have always cherished; things which are close to my heart; memories of great times with my someone special; thoughts of my loved one who have inspired me. I know it's time to hang on. May be a little more. The road will appear. Sooner than later.


The sensational Ayn Rand said:


It is easy to stumble. It's easy to lose way. Easier when you think you have not got what you want in life.


In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours.

Thank You !!!

Though I have not been a regular visitor to deities and temples, But I wanna Thank you, Lord for a thousand over times. Every time, the weight to the head gets added, it’s only Your love that has humbled me back to reality. Because Your love is perfectly manifested in every inch of me…

*From the day I was a single cell, it is You who know me perfectly well!

*In the darkness inside my mother’s womb, You saw my parts taking shape, and we have shared secrets, which I have forgotten over the years. Despite, You remember every single secret of me!!

*You marveled at my every move inside the darkness.

*You made a miracle of my life, when you brought me out to see the world, when my vocal chords were moved for the first cry!

*When I was too small to know the value of life, You sent angels in people to nourish it…

*There were many a times, when I have stumbled, knocked down, so hard that getting up seemed difficult. But, You did not give up on me.

*I have gone astray, wayward, but every time, You gave me another chance! You replenished my soul, and revealed Your unconditional self!

*In those days, when I was young enough to appreciate the value of my life, You worked through Your plans, and they were just perfect!

*You did not mimic me as another human. You made me unique.

*Everytime I ran to You nagging, ranting and complaining, You only smiled, which meant to say, nothing can be any better than this perfection!

*Everytime I came fretting, You calmed the storm within!!

You are wonderful, just the way You are!! What else do I need, dear Lord, than this perfect blend of joy and pain. I am glad I knew both, have been through both, and even glad that You are beside me in each. What better perfection can I ask for? Just grant me two things: To be honest in all I do, to never be rich or poor, in any terms, just give me what You feel I need, because sometimes I fail to know the difference between needs and wants!! What better right do I own of myself? Each day added to the life is Your gift, isn’t it?

Now, I surrender, with the ultimate faith that, you, the writer-director of my story, who led me in a time I didn’t know my worth, will lead me and provide me all years to come! All I can say at this moment is: I love You, Lord!! Take hold of me, and attune me, even if I become unfaithful, and please, never give up on me!!