With the number 'so lost' by Advaita playing in the background right now, thrs No other song that could better describe my situation right now... the vacuous stare at the screen as I type this post out... with memories, worries, sadness, disillusion all running all over my head... An abyss opens out to me... Don't know what to feel... Don't know if this is what I'd wanted... whether anythings worth it at all... All that I am striving to achieve... Hoping to have in my life... is it worth the peace of my mind that I am loosing right now... and how much more ironical can my life be.... Somehow I've never come to make much of my engineering degree at all... I studied for merely perfunctory reasons and I guess my marks are a reflection of the same.. yup dismal performance is so conspicuous by its presence... Or probably my brains been reduced to a sieve which fails me every time... so much for my hubris... makes me laugh at myself... From the sepia tinged memories of pride to the grime reality of being an absolute nobody... whose so bloody incapable of anything... And the person I'd hoped to hear me out, stand by me appears so far away... So distant... Irony hits you hard you realise... Accepting my inadequacies is becoming a herculean task... adjusting my dreams to their limitations, breaks me... Why is this happening to me? Where did I go so horribly wrong? where is the silver lining? The emptiness engulfs me... when is this this below average existence end? Have I run after all the wrong things in my life? Have I forgotten myself, forgotten valueing myself? Why am I looking for excuses... When will I rise above this all... will I ever?? Its a long road ahead... And I hope the blurry vision will eventually clear out... I hope the blues will fade out to a xanthous sky... I hope to see my nescience finally becoming a thing of the past... and I finally achieving what I truely deserve... I wait... I wait for love.. I wait for happiness... I wait for freedom...
Is it all a dream
What must I believe
Words are never ending
But meanings seem to disappear
A speck inside eternity
I stare into the blue
Don’t know where I’m going
Don’t know where I belong
Trying to find a way to go
Can you hear the emptiness
The silence within
Can you even hear me
I’m calling out to you
Trying to find a way back home
-'So lost' Advaita
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