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I searched again today.
Yet another futile attempt.

I searched again in spaces big and small, inside my heart and outside, in sounds and in silence, in sight and behind closed eyes. I searched for a glimpse, a shadow, a word, a glance, a breath?

I found none.

Love that was everywhere - the sand that let me leave my mark on it, the breeze that kissed me without asking, the sounds of music that I carried within me, the colors of joy splashed all around me - they all came together to surround me like a warm embrace. I held on tight, knowing and not believing that there will come a time when I have to let go. So, I closed my eyes and slept like a child, dreaming dreams that kept my illusion alive. And then one day, they all left and they took with them my world of love.

It was not him that I searched for. I searched for the world that I created for myself when he was around. I searched for the lightness in my step and in my heart, for the beauty around me and within me, I searched for colors, melody, life and love.

I searched for the me that lived only for him, only for those moments shared with him.