BUT!! ALAS....TIME HEALS NO WOUNDS

They say time heals all wounds
Which is true for a broken bone
But can time heal a broken heart
A heart that’s all alone?

It is a myth if you ask me. A myth they keep feeding me and a myth that they always torture me with. No time will heal my wounds. No way will my heart be the same again. Any anniversary of a loved one's demise or a day you sit silently and observe silence for him/her who just walked out of your life, letting you bleed an ocean becomes a crowbar in the calendar that reopens those wounds again. Why commemorate? Are you human? Why do you want to hide the human-ness about you if you are?

What is more accurate to say is that the loss of someone you love creates a permanent hole in your heart that never goes away. No one can make it go away. There is not a single soul without a hole in their heart, in their being. The smiles they smile and the lies they tell to you are just so that you don't keep nagging about 'how it will ruin their life', there are no ruins, there are only holes, a part which has seeped out but amazingly the heal power in humans helps build and fortify the muscle around the hole by focusing on what you still have, what is possible for you and ways you can integrate the memory of your loved one in your life. Amazing?

Truly.

I cannot flush my past out and be a new born baby again.

I feel and that is how I will feel and love the man who will come in my future to stay.

What is it about the passage of time that leads us to believe that real changes will occur? People are crazy, they know how to use words well only. The passage of time just makes the hurt less because you get so used to living without that which was taken away. If that is how time is said to heal? then yes, time heals all wounds...

...if we only wait long enough!

LOVE AFTER LOVE

Reading this wonderful book called "The time traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffeneger, gifted by my dad when I came back home. Came across these wonderful lines, just wanna share them with y'all.

Love after Love

The Time will come
when, elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own
mirror,
and each will smile at the other's
welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine.Give bread.Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life,whom you ignored
for another,who knows you by heart,
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror,
Sit.Feast on your life.

-Derek Walcott

What's remarkable about this piece and which may mislead you is into thinking that this is a written for a lover, but its not, Read into the lines, not on the surface.
It made me realize, we spend our lives running after people to make them give us some worth, love us, treasure us.But, what we don't do is give ourselves the same.

I always have believed, if only we give ourselves half the worth that was denied to us by that someone behind who we ran all our lives yet never got a quarter of what we gave away, we could be so much better humans, happier humans,contented humans..This piece just reinstated it all over again.
I hope you liked this piece like I did...

HATE <3

I hate it when you forget I exist and when you never call...
I hate the fact the I'm ready to catch you every time you tremble and fall ..
I hate it that you and I walking in different directions and you make me feel the same every moment..
I hate it when everywhere I go, all i can see and trace is the letters of your name..

I hate the way that I'm ready to give you strength , and make you stand tall..
but most of all ..
I hate the way I dont hate you ..
not even close ..
not even a little bit ...
not even at all ..

Have you met someone whose been the reason behind the most smiles and the most tears as well ?

I have . :( :(

Write Soon !!

I'd put in Gibran's quote here for him to read:

'I want you to love me as a poet loves his sorrowful thoughts. I want you to remember me as a traveler remembers a calm pool in which his image was reflected as he drank its water. I want you to remember me as a mother remembers her child that died before it saw the light, and I want you to remember me as a merciful king remembers a prisoner who died before his pardon.'

Leigh Nash-Along the wall

There is a door, where i am standing
Without a key, without a clue
Without you, i am wondering...
Wondering about you.

It's a cold cold night
Are you gonna call me
Tell me about.. how i go on and on.. about you
Being how it used to be.
How it's all about me.

Ooohh i would like to know
Who is the wounded one
Which one will make the move
Which one is willing to lose

Yellow

Life what we call it..Is just about moving on and getting rid of the past accepting what you get and letting go of what you can't have..is it that easy? To do all this is it that easy as it looks like? I bet you it isn't it really isn't..with every unfulfilled desire a part of you changes and you are never the same person again...I hate to change..

Greg laswell-What a day
What a day to be alive
What a day to realize I'm not dead
What a day to save a dime
What a day to die trying

What a way to say good bye
What a wonderful life now
What a way to use your mind
What a day to say good night

"Bring on the evening hours," I cry
"Bring on the evidence of my life"
(My life)

What a day to give a damn
What a day for "Gone with the Wind"
And what a day to start again
What a day to give up dry gin

"Bring on the evening hours," I cry
"Bring on the evidence of my life"
"Bring on the evening hours," I cry
"Bring on the evidence of my life"

Let it go
Let it go from here, I don't know
Let it go
Let it go from here, I don't know
Don't know

What a day to visit Seattle
What a day for San Francisco
What a day, holy Toldeo
What a day to get in the air and go
What a day to give up smoking
What a day to absorb
What a day to welcome a baby
And to begin breathing
(To begin breathing)

SHATTERED....

To tell and make this easier for myself..or make it even more harder?

the little things that apparently may not even be visible

they are the crushed glass on which I walk everyday

like paper cuts..bruised..

My Morbid Echoes : A New Venture

Hi everyone. I hope you all are doing great in your lives. I have started this new chain of poems called Morbid Echoes to keep myself venturing into black poetry that comes to me naturally. Though I have refrained myself from writing dark and negative poems for a long time , but I guess everything has its own reason of existence so I shall embrace it rather than ignore it.

Every now and then I'll keep putting up some real hard and distressing poem on this new blog. So whenever you feel like you need some real mind fuck; be my guest at morbid echoes.

Love and Regards to all my readers!
My new Name : THE RAGPICKER.

Growing Up

What's growing up? Is it the realization that the beliefs you nurtured and imbibed all these years were nothing? That all you liked about yourself was actually delusional nonsense. That all you despised and hoped never to be is what the world demands that you be. It is a difficult realization, one that only reminds you of what could have been instead of what should have been.

All our lives we think of standing up for what is right, for doing what is right and for having the grit and the determination to face all odds. To be strong when going gets tough, to not give in, then what happens when in love? Why we falter when the one's we have to stand up to are our own people?

I have seen myself doing things i should not have done. I have seen myself give in a times when i should not have. All for love. It was not a sacrifice but definitely a foolish obligation that i kept serving subconsciously. I must have been sure of getting the same in return. That didn't happen.. one was left bereaved.. then what? What right does one have against one's own? Indifference is the best way I used to think, but what if something as much as a scratch on someone leaves you in a state of panic? What do you do then?

Or is growing up just a phase that keeps returning to us.. today what i believe would look kiddish tomorrow, but after a while in some other situation, i would realize those old beliefs were true, innocent and so very pure.

------------------------

Growing up is looking back and laughing at our most 'serious' moments..

All through my childhood i wanted to be an adult, and now that i am one, I yearn for the child in me...

A window to the past, a channel to the future, yet always in the present..thats "growing up"..

fkdknkldhknkdsvls :)

Dear blog

Im not feeling at peace with myself. I had strange dreams last night.. and not just one but many. All of them were so engrossing and thrilling that i feel like i hardly slept. Apart from the tiny-winy details i don't think i recall the substantive part of my dreams. But they seem to tell me even more than ever how unsettled my mind is and how I seek some fulfilment, some poise and composure back in my life. Its as if my legs are wobbly and my mind is floating. I drank all last night. I don't like to drink. :P :P Shhhhhhh..

I just want to go out of Bangalore. All alone. I wish i could just pack my bags, put in a camera, stuff some good things to eat and take off for places unknown. I want to reach the railway station, not knowing where i'm headed.. hitch hiking thats called isn't it? Then i want to hitch hike the hell out of hitch hiking. Recently I got an offer to work in bangalore and I wanted to jump and grab the opportunity. But i couldn't.. lets not even go to the reasons.

I have lots of work to do today and some i have already done. Feels nice to have finished work by 9 o'clock. I have deliberately and with much effort changed my sleeping pattern so as to get up early and go for a run. I badly need to loose my extra pounds. So now I sleep early and get up early. I had a horrible routine these past 3-4 months..i used to sleep around 3 or 4 and get up around 9 or 10..couldn't sleep for longer....and the whole day would be spent in daze.

I bought 2 boos some days back. Tuesdays with Morrie and The Last Lecture, both of these im yet to begin with. Have been on a Harry Potter tour all these days, one after the other i have picked up Potter and how i love them. I even love Kreacher now.

i like writing like this.. unmindful of the vocabulary, spellings, paragraphs and best of all, topic! there is no topic, thats the topic! heheee

bye blog, i have to get ready and get going. love ya so much

next time when i write i pomish to be more shenshible. hic hic hic!

I don’t know why I am writing this. But I just had to.

Why does it hurt every time I go through it? I know it is happening, I know I can’t help it but I am hurt. I still cry. I still curse my existence. But why?

I want to share my thoughts with someone, cry my heart out. But I can’t do it. I can’t justify myself again and again. They will hate me for my impotence to help myself. Just as I hate myself today.

At such a time I question the existence of God. Doe he really exists? Does he see it all happening in front of his eyes and not do anything about it? Am I so evil that I don’t even deserve a little bit of his compassion or love. Mom used to say that thakur ji helps us all if we ask for it from pure heart. Then doesn’t the wailing of my heart move that god made of stone.

I am angry and the anger is out with tears. My conscience is screaming for help. I want to pick the bits and pieces of my soul and put the broken picture together. But I can’t it’s too broken. Just like the million pieces of broken glass. My tears are my only companion. After sometime even they leave me alone for self pitying.

I hate to look in the mirror. I hate to accept the person I have become. But I have to live with it. Detesting oneself can cost you a lot.

I smile with all, they all love me. They envy my innocence that is not there. But to them I show. My life for them is a mirage. Mirage where there is a lot of water to fill the emptiness of my life. But the more you draw closer, the more you are lost in the dryness of emotions.

Maybe yes, I am the one to be blamed. But I refuse to accept cuz I can live with my life’s mirage but not with the acceptance of reality. Reality hurts.

I wonder if my life will change ever. I wonder if it would ever be normal. If I can ever be proud of myself. For present its highly impossible.

LONELY ROAD

Passing by the lanes of life,
Wondering what i did was right,
Took the path that people showed,
I was walking on the lonely road...

I forgot the fragrance of the rose,
While travelling up the mountains high,
Freshness of the dew unknown,
All I could do was just moan,
Questions of the soul torture me,
About my needs and about my deeds,
Still i am walking all alone,
All the way on the lonely road...

Desperate for affection, love and care,
Longing for someone besides me,
Afraid of my own shadows in day,
Not a ray of hope in my way,
I lost faith, I never won,
But I knew I had to run,
All along the lonely road...

With watery eyes, I would love to share,
My sorrows, my pains, my needs and fears,
My hands reach out in the dark,
Only to find my life apart
My head and heart still keep me going,
On the thorny route of the lonely road...

I wish I never had begun,
My miseries don't seem to end,
Desires and wishes will soon be dead,
But I continue as my soul had vowed,
To walk along the lonely road....!!!!

I LOVE YOU!!!

I LOVE YOU; it’s not a weight you must carry around.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not a box that holds you in.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not a standard you must bear.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not a sacrifice I make.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not a pedestal you are frozen upon.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not an expectation of perfection.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not my life’s whole purpose (or yours).
I LOVE YOU; it’s not to make you change.
I LOVE YOU; it’s not even to make you love me.
I LOVE YOU; it’s as pure and simple as that...!!!!

Falak pe baadlon ke beech kuch aisi hui saazish,
Mera tha ghar mitti ka; aur mere hi ghar hui baarish,
Unki bhi zid hai bijliyaan girne ki,
Meri bhi zid hai wahi aashiyana banane ki...!!!!!

TAKE AWAY... MY PAIN

As I sit by the speaking tree,
A gentle breeze caresses me
A youthfull shadow from my past,
Makes me cry out loud at last.

I feel no sorrow, feel no pain,
Dont feel no loss, dont feel no gain,
The good old sky speaks out again,
The shadows gone; I feel the rain.

It drops down with a cooling feel,
It mixes with my tears; I kneel.
I think about the loss; I reel,
The pain is back, but i want to heal. . .

What lies beyond the pain, I ask,
Is this too much? Too hard a task?
Thats when i hear the gentle voice
"Its of the tree!" I realise.

It speaks to me and turns me calm,
Its gentle voice soothes like a balm,
It drops a fruit into my palm
Guides me from the way of harm.

The rain is gone, and so's the pain,
I feel that i am born again,
The shadow's back, it hurts no more,
And I go to sleep with a gentle snore!

TANHAI

Har mod pe viraaniyan, har safar mein akelapan...

akele rahon pe jab chalte chalte beetein palon ko yaad karti hun...tab mehsoos hota hai ki shayad koi kabhi tanha hi nahin hota...

yaadein peecha nahin chodti...saanse dam nahin todti...aankhein jab banjar ho jaati hain...aansoo jab tham jaate hain tab ehsas hota hai akelepan ka, pyaar ki kami ka, dard ka, tanhai ka...

Kis tarah zindagi basar ho? kya pyaar sach mein hota hai?...agar hota hai to meri zindagi se hi khafa kyun hai?... aabaad kyun nahin hai meri bhi zindagi pyaar se... un lamho se jinhe log khoobsoorat kehte hain...

Woh pal kahan kho gaye hain...andhere mein chupe kyun hai...tanha dil ko sukoon kyun nahin dete...

Sochte sochte aankhein fir bhar aayi hain...

yeh aankhein bhi aadmi ki tarah hai...kabhi tanha nahin hoti... aadmi yaadon ke sahare jeeta hai aur aankhein ashkon ke sahare roti hain.

Andekhe Khwaab

Aankhon mein andekhe khwaab hain
aur hothon pe kayi ankahi baatein
Baaton mein ansuni khwahishein hain
Aur khwahishon mein andheri si raatein
Andhere mein tanhai nazar aati hain
Saath deti hain sirf tumhari yaadein
Yaadon mein bhi aankhein roti hain
kyunki bikhar gaye hain saare naatein

HERE!!! I GO AGAIN :)

Finally!


Well!! Returning to Blogger after a long gap of a month or so..Had Decided to quit blogging, but my inner self can never let me do so!! So, Im here once again in a new form. "FINALLY" ...Yes that's the word on my mind when i wrote this post of my blog which has been existing in my mind since the starting of the day. I made many failed attempts to post as well be regular with writing but everything turned futile thanks to my laziness and a turbulent and hyperactive mind which had so much to say and yet so less words to express. But then i thought its high time i set everything aside and take a fresh control of my life and situations and what better way than blogging for a creative and imaginative person. Well, creative is what i consider myself thanks to some stints at poetry and writings in the past. But then i know i m still a beginner and the only way to fully utilize such an talent would be brush it up and put it to better use and that could be done through just one means-"Writing". And i guess Blogging is the most informal and obligation free means for that as you are free to express all your emotions and yet you are not under obligation to express it when you are less of time . Over a period of last few months i experienced and felt so many emotions and felt life as so fraudulent that i realized i need to give expressions to all these thought or i might explode. You will see more thoughts and views in my posts that follow, with loads of experimentation on writing and I promise, Its gonna be fun !!! but for the time let me just end with a line which i plan to compose at the same instant as i write

Life is beautiful
Life is tragic
Life is nice
and Life is Bad
Life is Life in whatever ways u see it
All depends on your attitude and perspective
Yet Life is about seeking Happiness or it loses its persona !

So I end with this small piece hoping to see you all next time....And I promise This is gonna be as regular as I was before..

PS: I'm LOVING my new bloggy site.... :) :)

Till then,

Chaow
and Be Happy ! :-)